OBLIGATORY ENSEMBLE SKETCH DUMP BECAUSE

So for drawing class we had to complete a whole sketchbook by the end of the semester and I RAGED AT THE HEAVENS.  Luckily I have 8 favourite OCs from my ensemble THEREFORE 8 PAGES OF SNIPPET WRITING AND EXPRESSION DOING killed those pages dead.

I'll clean these and maybe reupload/colour them at some point but until then, SKETCHES THEY WILL STAY.

Sketches for a roleplay

I don't want to use tumblr ;_; all I want to do is focus on one damn site so BLOGGER IT IS, I have chosen sides ;_;

I have been roleplaying with this lovely girl called who I call Naomi 8)  Our now-over-80k-wordcount roleplay--titled "The Vast Idiosyncracies of Hell and Its Inhabitants", is like a nonstop flaming locamotive.  Every post is roughly a thousand to three thousand words because we're sadomasochists who love writing.

Kieran is hers, Valtier is mine.  Both characters were new and created specifically for this roleplay and we have lots of fun flushing them out, their relationship (which is... rocky, to put it very, very lightly), and the vast idiosyncracies of Sheol, which is the name for post-apocalyptic North America riddled with hellish demons and a ruling class of 12 Zodiac-based demon lords and ladies.  Thirteen demon Kingdoms and eight human Territories comprise all of Sheol.  Kieran hails from a human village called Ancora in the Eastern Territory, one of the bases of the human rebellion that the humans refer to in hushed tones as Them, and he is the youngest son of the rebellion leader. Valtier lives in the kingdom Gehénnam in a castle under the ocean, which is where he takes Kieran after purchasing him as a slave.

Coloured and uncoloured for comparison's sake.  Valtier's original design (as he's part of my OC set I call the Zodiac Wheel) was an intimidating man with slick blonde hair and burning yellow-orange eyes, and now I've edited him to have white hair to suit the coloration scheme better.

Kieran turned out beautifully but I feel that Valtier's nose is a bit too... oddly sharp.  His lips are too wide too. I'll tweak it eventually.

A very brief sketch I sent to Naomi when she was confused as to how Valtier was holding a struggling Kieran, fresh after they... uh... "bonded" ;)  Valtier is almost two heads taller than Kieran and much wider so he will hold Kieran like this often.

Our (working) map of Sheol, with the location of each Zodiac Lord and Territory.  We'll add more as the roleplay expands.  Ophiuchus also used to be a Zodiac Lord but he was killed some centuries ago, and now the center land tensely gets ought over by all of the other Kingdoms that touch it (so Capricorn, Libra, Pisces, and Aquarius are all just about meh while everybody else fights)

Here, have a crappy unedited sketch.  This will be cleaned and painted.  The left shows the spot that will mortally wound Valtier if struck (each house has a different spot, eg. Scorpio's is the base of her tail, Leo's is his jawbone, Aquarius are his ankles, etc)

and a better, more refined sketch of Valtier consoling Kieran while he sleeps.  Kieran is a very strong, fierce, but troubled character.  His gentleness was crushed by his father and harsh life conditions, and Valtier has access to his various memories and nightmares when he's asleep.  Valtier, all cold and ice and numbness, cannot fathom why he feels like stroking the boy's hair and cradling him when he watches Kieran cry in his sleep.

MMMM FEELS MMMMMMMMM

I'm gonna go roll in feels as I wait for Naomi to post 8)

The Space Between Us - progress & lols.

The Space Between Us
Jan 4 2012

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Originally I gave silver a beard.  PFFFTTHAHAHAHAHAHA----

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Madeleine and Amor Silver are two characters I write with a lot.  Funny that I don't mention them as much as Colleen and Lale, even though they get much more coverage than Lale does on a regular basis.

I think Silver drowns a lot in sorrow that a lot of people don't think about.  I mean, all the time when I write him, he's always got such bravado.  Swears like a sailor and punches like Captain Falcon.  It's no wonder that confused and listless Madeleine, what with her identity crises and lack of ideologies, is attracted to him no matter how abrasive he is.  She's probably the only person in the entire Ensemble who is able to pull him away from those kind of sorrows.

I mean, I imagine them with anybody else and it just doesn't work.  Like, they're both as straight as an arrow, so their only options are the other Ensemble characters of the opposite sex.  Colleen would be awesome for Silver, finely tuned to him like an instrument to a musician, but he has nothing to offer her, and he's to blockheaded to realize the kind of love she needs.  I love Leen too much to put her through that.  And Skye?  Holy fuck I don't want the world to end, their relationship would bring upon the apocalypse.

Madeleine would die if she followed Lale.  She's much too timid, and would eventually shrink from him.  Aidan is so much weaker than her... put two subs in a room, and what do you get?  Well, they would get nowhere fast.  Valor I've considered and the three of them would be amazing in some kind of threesome but Valor loves Silver, and I don't think Madeleine can understand that kind of deep brotherly devotion that Val has for him, and it would probably even make her jealous.  If Yoshua was older... well, even then, it kind of wouldn't work.  Older Yoshua is lofty and idealistic and much too quick for Madeleine to keep up with.

Which is why I think Maddie and Silver are like... my beta OTP.  Madeleine never quite knows who she is--she's totally oblivious to her obviously heroic, naive, and kind-hearted personality because she perceives herself as bland.  Silver knocks sense into her.  And Silver is one-track minded, proud, yappy, and Madeleine takes that as charm.  The fact that she laughs at his antics, accepts him, and still loves him at the end of the day is all he needs to settle down for her.

Wow tl;dr.  I should write snippets of these two and slip em up here.

Lale

Good evening, Lale.  Tonight I am writing to you, and I think it's the first time that I've ever done so.

You frighten me.  Let me state that as if you don't know it already.  You've always frightened and enthralled me in some way I cannot understand.  You are the sublime and unknown.  I can give you as many traits as I want but I know deep down that you - like Colleen - are above my control and reach, and I am almost a humble observer to your existence.

I know and remember as a historical fact that I made you the same time I made Colleen - only a few seconds after her.  She was the fearsome little girl with eyes red as blood and lips as black as lead.  You were her teddy bear with the teeth like knives, hiding the figure of the fearsome man that had pervaded her.  Right after I imagined her, I imagined the bear in her arms, and tenaciously the two of you have clung to me and survived.

You feel surprised - no?  Yes?  I do remember, still.  I haven't forgotten your roots, just as I haven't forgotten hers.  I gave her an angelic counterpart almost as soon as I gave her the demonic one, knowing full well that she was to have light in her, all along.  You, however, stayed relatively the same, regardless of how I've tried to change you.

I just never discovered you properly, not until as of late.  And if you'd let me - I can feel you smiling, is that a yes, then?  Don't laugh at my insecurity, you horribly cryptic man, you know I cannot read you - I'll keep discovering you, the nuances, the subtle, everything.

Thank you for protecting me.  I know it's you.  Whenever I cannot hold myself, that state of melancholy fullness, the feeling as if someone is there - I know it's you.  Colleen is the numbness that takes over me when I'm exhausted, and the warmth that comes from me believing in something ethereal that loves me.  But you, you are the shell around my heart that keeps it from smashing to pieces.  I feel you giving me a cynical look, and I don't know if I'm right or not.  Jeez, why can't you take a compliment?

I have done far worse to you than to her.  Even she knows this.  Colleen knows full well that I gave her light, and I have kept you strictly within the bounds of darkness and despair.  And yet you don't resent me; you're too strong for that.  My ultimate scapegoat and ultimate shield.  The one that consoles me without words, without scrambling to make me feel better because you have higher expectations of me than that.  The one who shakes his head at me tiredly, because you're used to my bullshit, but you're not Colleen and will not hug me when I need one - yet you never, ever leave me.  In fact, you are here consoling me more than she is.  I know that now  and I know that I will never lose you.

Last year I don't remember writing you a letter because I didn't have the courage.  I still don't, really.  You're already chuckling at my spontaneity, my fumbled attempt; you can't even call me silly girl, because you gave that name to her, and I cannot be her.

I think I would like to be Colleen because you are one of my ideals.  A lover.  A friend.  A father.  Whatever it is.  You are the least understood of them all.  For me to write you doing something, your appearance, your name, even I know that those characters I deem "Lale" in the stories don't even come close to someone like you.  Even Colleen is less real than you because she is such a crucial part of me that I sometimes forget the divide.  You're something else.

You're a part of me too, but you have the liberty to look me in the eyes from the inside of my mind, and not say a word.

But it is your birthday.  I am here to tell you that I love you and appreciate you and am glad for you.  I can feel you turn away, flush red.  Aha.  See, you do have emotions - and I know you hide them well.  You hide them well from me but you'll give them freely to Colleen.  Is that why, whenever I imagine the two of you, there is always that strange feeling of distance you give me?  Because I'm invading your private time with her?  Well, I can't help that, can I, you insufferable man?

My first triumph in your eyes is even getting to this point, isn't it?  This age.  Eighteen.  I'm eighteen and you're nine this year, exactly nine years apart.   That explains the spirituality, then.  Thanks for lending it to me.

You and I both thought I'd be dead by now.  Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen...  And by seventeen I no longer thought about dying. Now I fear death because I have things to live for.  I know, I know, you don't have to call me a hypocrite.  Don't give me that insufferable smile, either, ugh.  Oh, Lay, stop interrupting me in my heartfelt confession when I'm writing to you.  Come on, now.

I am going to ask you a question and please, answer honestly.

Do you hate me?

...Your answer was such a quiet No.  You thought about it, too.  Thank you for thinking about it.  Because I know you - you wouldn't hesitate to consider sugar coating my feelings.  You hesitate to sort out your own.  You love me in your own way, is it?  Thank you, again.  I love you too.

I will never be lonely so long as the two of you are here.  Thank you for being the shadow to her light, the part to complete the duality that is such an essential part of me.  I gave you the piano, I gave you her, I gave you an idea of family, a background, a language, another couple names.  Mist, Vaudemair dia Gatlael.  In my heart you will always just be Lay, though, you darling man.  Thank you for watching me grow so far and I know - and you know this, too - that I won't disappoint as I go on.   Happy birthday.  Have some cuddle time with Colleen; tonight I will try to leave you two in peace.  Perhaps I'll go disturb the Saint children.

Oh, Lale.  You're so mean.  Don't laugh at them like that, or I'll make Adriano eat your cake.

(It never worries you when I make more.  Even if they're like you, you know they can never replace you.  Smug, arrogant, accurate, irreplaceable man.  Good night.)

of course

(a quick shot at what the original sketch photographed to be)

I will never be able to explain what compels me to draw her over and over and over again.  

I think I nicknamed Colleen "little dove" not simply because her usual design sports a pair of wings upon her head, but also because she brings me peace of mind.  Colleen has been, in my imagination, every single archetypal role of any human idea imaginable that I've ever needed in order to achieve some sort of catharsis:  A queen, a lover, a mother, an orphan, a child, a slave, a heroine, a scapegoat, a friend.  Does it matter?

There are many different types of people in the world and I'm the type that, when I'm at my loneliest, I turn inwards for comfort.  When I'm inside my head, I never feel alone because, for some reason or another, Colleen and Lale (of course, but seeing as this is Leen's picture he won't get much of a mention here) exist so wholly for me that I write with them, I draw them, I converse with them, and I even dream about them - and sometimes, they talk back.  As recent as yesterday night, November 11th 2012, I met with them in a lucid dream and they talked to me and they're so, so real, too real for my humble imagination to simply have conjured.  I woke up with heart thumping because it was so real - their voices, the inclination of Lale's head when he's being sly, the way Colleen's eyes crinkle when she smiles - that I expected to see them beside my bed when I woke up, and I was horribly disappointed when they weren't there.  

I fully understand that nobody loves Colleen and Lale as much as I do, and I'm also aware of the implications of my own vanity at loving two people who are, real to me or not, my creations.  But they are my pillars of support; I've been relying on these two imaginary friends for consolation, for alleviating my loneliness since I was a young child, and I'm far from becoming independent from their presences, now.  It's like having a relationship with God, I think, but don't quote me on that and start some super zealously polarized religious argument; this is only what I feel.   

Here is one such attempt at me to draw Colleen as realistically as I can muster - which is not saying much, considering my ridiculously unrealistic style.  But it's a legitimate attempt, niggling flaws aside.  I am without tablet or proper scanner, so a photograph and plenty of mouse + photoshop is the best I can do for now.

I admit that there have been times in reality where I've met a few girls that look a bit like how I've seen Colleen - her heart-shaped face, her specific shade of blueish-grayish eyes, the arch of her brow, the shell of her ear.  And it's always made my heart constrict, yearning for her to be someone real out here that I can hold and love, instead of someone in my head, where I can only apologetically tell her that I love her, but cannot hold her.  

I believe that when I die, Lale and Colleen will still exist somewhere outside of me.  That, maybe, when I die the two of them will be released into the world to be born as real people and one day meet each other, fall in love, and wonder why they feel like they must've been together in some sort of a past life.  Maybe then, one of them will imagine someone like me, and that way, I'll be able to be with them forever.

Silver

Brothers, of course.  As if Silver would get a post all by himself.  For the sake of this post I will refer to him by his proper first name, Amor.

SPEED PAINTS AHOY.  maybe 45 minutes each.

Amor and Valor coloured.  Amor is 17, Valor is 24.  Both are scar-less because I... forgot.  XD  This is their base without scars, I guess!  The more I draw men the girlier their faces become.  Valor's sketch looks manlier than his coloured one, in any case.

Sketch format.  I drew Amor first and flipped the page and drew Valor second.  The dots between their names align to both their eyes.

Interesting when they're put together, no?

Why? ...well, why the hell not?

2.5 hour speed destress colouring.  good god I should be studying for exams.

Why? because I'm too shy to let most of the internet see stuff like this.  

so it'll be tucked gently away to my art blog where it can't hurt anybody or be taken to hurt me.

Leen and Lay.  From this earlier post.  I picked my favourite sketch to colour.  In my mind they are having intercourse though their expressions are rather idealized. Fixed their skin colours after nine thousand tries.  Supposedly Colleen is a delicious shade of peach and Lale is some sort of alabaster that never tans.  I guess Lale looks a bit too alive, though I'll attribute that to... what they're doing at the moment.   Heh.

Theater of the Absurd

Made with Angel He 

March 2012

Blogger's uploaded version looks crappy, considering all of the smooth SAI lines I used to draw the pictures for the video -_-

This is a project made for our senior French class.  

Voices provided by Angel and myself.  We recorded together.  I drew all the pictures, she compiled everything and timed the subtitles and sound bits.

French subtitle version.

and for all of the rest of us noobs (because obviously she and I have probably made 19328403247 French mistakes), here's our intended-meaning English subbed one.  :D

A bunch of amazing stuffs.

So I have this little sketchbook that I love to bring around everywhere.   It's a little smaller than my handspan and extremely fun to draw in with pen because the pages are tinted beige.  It makes everything classier than it really is XD

Lay. 

After three failed attempts, I finally got him.  

I like Lale when he's pensive.

Queen of flowers.  Featuring an amped up Rozelia, in a lily rather than a rose.  Drew this on the bus and though I'm happy with it I did screw up a few times because of rickety bumps.  

She has pistils and a stamen.  Rozelia is truly a hermaphrodite; half of her children are self-fathered.

Merman in a dream.

He's a snake.  Or an eel.  I think this might be Varun Halcyan but he's changed quite a bit.  

Here's an old picture of him.  Varun isn't an important OC in my mind but I like him, and this is who I was thinking of when I finished the piece.

Drawn after visiting the University of Toronto Mississauga during mentorship.

So he likes to keep her dry when it rains.

Drawn during repertoire with lots of giggly girls looking over my shoulder...

Sceahst.

Also named Shadow.  Lale's horse.  His name is pronouced sei-ya-st, according to the soliloquium thread (which needs continuation and finishing.)  

Drawn because Angel and I have been playing this horse game and I've become quite addicted to horses.  Sceahst has a wild temper and he's a demon horse.  quoting page 5:  "His horse, Shadow, had been a tyrant as a foal and would only listen to him; Colleen noted that with little surprise."

And last but not least:  Mister Rabbit!  with Yoshua instead of little Silver this time.

I think if Silver found Mr. Rabbit he'd definitely give it to Yoshi.  After a few trials and errors and help from Angel and Chuchu and Jess, we decided that Bitty would get golden eyes and a green bow (though I wanted blue and blue.)